Some days you just wake up & immediately want to go back to sleep. You want to crawl back into a cocoon of blankets & pillows & be a vegetable for the day. Or maybe you have had a long string of these days. Things just are not going well. You're sick, tired, worn down, the weather is awful, & life just is not going right. What are you supposed to do.
I probably seem like I have it all together & I'm happy & healthy & blah blah blah, but that is far from the truth. At the moment I am writing this, I am laying in bed in my pajamas watching Army Wives at noon, I have a cold, I have a stye, my husband is going to be gone for the rest of the week, & it is cloudy & chilly in Hawaii. Before I started writing this I was sitting here thinking about as "woah as me" as I could get, basically pouting about my life. But then I decided to write down every thing I can think of that I have to be happy about, tacky I know. It took me a few minutes to start, which made me more upset. Am I so blind to how amazing I have it that I can't even make a list of good things? So I took a break & scrolled through my pictures in my phone & I got all the inspiration that I need.
Here are some of my best friends on the island, doing what we do best. Shannon, Leslie, & Mikk, even though today seems like it sucks for me, thank you for making even my worst days awesome & for being the best friends a girl could as for.
Look at these beautiful views I get to see every single day. Even though it's overcast today, I know just beyond the clouds are these amazing views just waiting for the next cloud free day.
My greatest blessing of today & every day is that I have this fantastic man as my permanent roommate. Even though he'll be gone all week & be gone again in a few months, I could not be more thankful for his unconditional love & support no matter how far away he is. Through all the trials & tribulations we endure, I wouldn't change a single thing. Even though we have been sleeping on an air mattress for a month & will be for another 50 days until all our furniture gets here, we eat on paper plates because our nice bowls & plates are also 50 days out, & our pup is still 4,000 miles away, life is great.
For anyone who is having one of those days or one of those weeks, take a minute, scroll through some pictures, & be thankful for all the amazing people, views, & blessings you have in your life.
Dear Me,
Hey, it's me, well you. But, I'm the you who is almost 19 & freaking married. Yes, you heard that statement right, you are in fact married & have been for almost 5 months. You also live in a really cool place, but I don't want to ruin the fun of waiting to find out where. How did I get here, you might be asking. The sarcastic answer would be an airplane, but you mean to this point in my life. I am here not to ruin the surprise or give any names of the people who got you here because ignorance is bliss, but to give just a few tips I would have liked along the way.
Your friends can break your heart, too.
I am sorry to say, but your friends will break your heart worse than any boy ever will. Girls are mean & you don't need the negativity they brought on you & the image people had of you just by hanging out with them. Sometimes it seems like you'll never have friends again & you'll be alone forever, but it gets so so much better. You walk into senior year with friends & a boyfriend you NEVER saw coming, but they are the best friends you could have asked for.
Beware the Junior Year.
You're about to go into the most dreaded year of your life: Junior Year. I won't lie to you, it was awful. Everything seemed to be falling apart. You had 4 Honors classes, you & your almost 2-year boyfriend broke up, you entered a toxic relationship & wound up heartbroken again, you lost some friends, but you made it. It was hard as anything, but you persevered & what comes is the best yet. My advice, don't put so much pressure on yourself, school is very important, yes. But calm down & keep your happiness first. It gets better.
Take care of your body.
That's right. You heard me. Drink an entire 60 oz bottle of water today, don't get McDonald's so much, & SLEEP. Stress takes a toll on your body, so just take a breather, go on a walk, let off some steam, stop worrying about everyone else for one second & just think about you.
Let go.
Remember that toxic relationship I said earlier, well that comes to an end, but you keep holding on & I envy your strength & determination, I do. But you need to let go & accept that some things just are not going to be fixed. This doesn't even just apply to this boy, it goes for anything. Know when it's time to stop doing Student Council, start saying No to people, stop hanging out with that bad friend just because you don't want to hurt her feelings. Think about yourself for once.
Appreciate your family.
This is something important because, frankly, you suck at it. You suck at making sure people know they are appreciated. Don't feel bad, I think 99% of teenagers are. Just accept it, & change it. Mom does so freaking much for you, but you never think twice about it. Wake up, & spend some time with her & Abigail because even though you think leaving home will be easy when the time comes, let me tell you it's one of the hardest things I have ever done in my life. Appreciate them, before it's too late.
Keep your chin up & everything works out wonderfully.
I know all of these tips probably made you think "Good Lord, my future life sounds freaking awful," & I won't lie, it's got its rough spots. But oh my goodness does it get amazing. I don't want to spoil the amazing love story that starts after your junior year at the most unexpected place & time. I seriously promise you can't even guess who it ends up being, because you don't even know him yet. But once you meet him, you'll know, & I can't wait for you to feel as in love as I did.
Pray more.
You & I both know that we love God, but you kind of fall off the wagon as things get harder for you. One thing you never stopped doing was praying every single night you went to bed. Keep it up, don't forget to not just pray when you need something, pray to be thankful.
You graduate, you go to college, you fall hopelessly in love with a boy who is everything you could have wished for & more, & everything becomes amazing. Don't forget to always be yourself, no matter who you think is judging you because their opinion could not matter any less. Enjoy the ride. Looking back it's amazing how fast it goes, so cherish every moment & take a million pictures to look back on all the great times. Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young. You made it through some hard stuff, but here I am, living life to the fullest every day. You'll make it. Stay awesome.
Love,
Your older, not much wiser self.
