Home Is Where The Heart Is

When I was 4, my Mom, Dad, &  little sister moved into a 3 bedroom, 2 bath house that we built in Barnhart, Missouri. In the 15 years my sister & I have lived here, we've made holes in the walls, planted trees & buried pets in the backyard, introduced both of our significant others to our grandparents there, had countless Easter Egg hunts, had our entire family over for Thanksgiving, fought, laughed, cried, ate (a lot), & through our parents divorce, this was the only thing that was kept constant in our changing life. The white pillars & red bricks of this house will always have a place in my heart. There are people who aren't even family that have memories in this house. My best friend, Madeline, (who I count as family anyway) has countless memories in every single room of this place. It has been a refuge to people young & old for over a decade. We all grew up here. 1063 was the only place I thought of when someone asked "Where is Home?" to little me. But as I got older, I realized something.

The house that I knew as home did not matter. The blue coaches my parents picked out in 2002, green walls of my childhood bedroom, & the teeth-shaped dent in my bed post from me pushing my sister into it did not matter. What matters, is the amount of love contained in those 4 walls & concrete foundation. It didn't matter where I kept my clothes, all the love & memories I have in this house are because of my family & the people I love most in my life. Like I said, I've lived in this house since I was 4 & as most of you know, I'm in the process of moving to Hawaii with my husband. So, I've been thinking a lot about home & all that I'll be leaving behind in this next journey in my life. Obviously, your childhood home is something that is hard to leave for anyone, but as I'm sitting in the living room that has held so many memories for me my entire life, from getting kittens for Christmas in 2005 to when my husband, sister, future brother in law, & Mom were dancing around the living room singing Pentatonix Christmas album & decorating the tree in 2016, this house would be nothing without memories like that.

Home is a place, yes. But that place wouldn't have significance in your mind if it didn't have faces & names to accompany it. As we grow up, our home changes. My blue-couched childhood home will always hold a special place in my heart, but I know that my home is no longer with my parents & sister in this house, my home is with the person who made me want to leave this safety net, to be adventurous & put all my faith & trust into him & our new journey. My home is no longer 4 walls that hold comfort to a young Katarina after a long day at school. My home is in a pair of eyes & heart beat.

Honestly, that is the hardest thing about growing up. The hardest thing is watching your family try & be happy for you as you move on. After I told my sister I was moving to Hawaii, she tried her hardest to be happy for me, but I knew she was crying on the inside because she knew that meant I couldn't come home as much as she wants me to. (But she would never tell me that) My mom has always told me that the love of a mother to her children is something I won't understand until I have kids of my own, but I can see it in her eyes every time we talk about me leaving. She is so absolutely ecstatic for me to finally be living with the man of my dreams, but it breaks her heart to see me go. When I told my dad on the phone, he took a breath, exhaled, & said "Well, I guess I should look into hotels to visit."

My parents & sister will forever be my first loves. Heck, I have loved my sister literally her entire life. But, I know (& I hope they do too) that it's time for me to go. I will forever cherish all of the memories & love that have built me into the person I am. Because without them, I would not be the person that my husband fell in love with, my best friend confides in, or the mother to my future children that I will be. I can't thank my parents enough for making 1063 into my home, because in 2002 when they built it, they weren't just building a house, they were building where their daughters would have their first heartbreaks, their first cars, bring their future husbands to meet them, & become the women we both wanted to become. My heart will always remain with the three people that made me, me. No matter how far I go, no matter the time difference, they will always be the ones who created the person I am. & I can never repay any of them for that.

So, to my family:
Our lives haven't always been the prettiest, or the easiest, but I would not change a second of it. It's time for me to move out, move on, start my life, & continue to build my own, new home. But don't think for a second I won't be thinking of you every step of the way & hoping you're proud of all I'm doing. I can't begin to thank all of you for what you have done for me & I hope I helped change you, too. I love you forever & I promise I'll be back to eat 4 helpings of Thanksgiving dinner before you know it.

-KS